Covert Narcissists appear charming and attractive initially, but once they lure you in with their manipulative tactics, it is pretty hard to escape that vicious trap.
If you are a victim of abuse by a Covert Narcissist, you will be aware of the bitter things Covert Narcissists say to cause you pain. I know some of them because I have endured narcissistic abuse firsthand. Hence, I will walk you through those bitter phrases in this article. I hope this will help you identify when a Covert Narcissist is trying to hurt you, and you can play along accordingly.
You are just overreacting, nothing else
A major bitter thing Covert Narcissists say to hurt your feelings is calling you an over actor. They disregard it by devaluing you and invalidating your sentiments whenever you react to anything they do or say. They want free will to do whatever they like without being held accountable for their actions.
You are being jealous and insecure
I had a guy in my clinical group who was a Covert Narcissist. I, by nature, am an Empath, so I was easily manipulated by his luring tactics. Soon after I became close friends with him, I realized he was a narcissist. When I would observe him giving excessive time and attention to other friends, I would complain, and he would say, “You are being jealous and insecure”. Covert Narcissists say this to avoid confrontation and take responsibility for their behavior.
You have trust issues
“You have trust issues” is one of the most common bitter things Covert Narcissists say to hurt you because they are not worthy of trust. A Covert Narcissist is the biggest liar, and they will show you this time and again but won’t ever admit it. They will make up fake stories, create fictional scenarios, and give false evidence to prove themselves right. In the end, they will blame everything on you!
You need to grow up and act mature
It is primarily the case with narcissistic parents. They think that showing compassion is a sign of weakness and that children should be able to handle whatever their parents say. A Covert Narcissistic parent hardly depicts affection towards their child and always tells them to grow up or act mature. I have seen this happening with my dearest cousin, as her father is a typical narcissist, so that I can relate to it. Since childhood, I have observed him scolding and taunting his children over every little thing. He tells them to grow up and act mature if they get hurt.
You only think about yourself
Whenever you try to take a stand for yourself, a Covert Narcissist will make you feel awful about having self-respect. Sometimes, when you give them a taste of their medicine, for example, by ignoring them, not responding to their messages, ignoring their calls etc., they will label you as selfish. They do this while enduring a narcissistic injury and trying to align you with their expectations.
I am not the defaulter/I did this because of you
Covert Narcissists blame everything on you to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. They will go to any extent to accuse you of their toxic behaviour in any given situation. Covert a Narcissistic partner or a parent, or both can do this with you. They mainly do this in a negative cases where everything is against them. However, they rush to take credit for a positive outcome.
You are insane
Another painful thing Covert Narcissists say to you when you catch them red-handed is, “You are crazy!”. I have heard this multiple times while having a heated encounter with a Covert Narcissist in my clinical group. Covert Narcissists’ mind games are like, “Yes, I know, I am the monster creating chaos here so that you can react, and it gets easy for me to blame it all on you”. They will ignore the fact that they are being irrational and rageful and turn it all on you to protect themselves.
You always think negatively
When I say nobody can be more manipulative than a Covert Narcissist, I mean it because I have experienced it. They say this when they fail to defend themselves or realize that you are not buying their bullshit. Their only intention is to twist the story and gain sympathy from you while devaluing you simultaneously. They will legitimately make a fake apologetic face and try to show innocence as they say, “You always take it in a wrong way, or I didn’t mean to hurt you, or you are being pessimistic!”.
I will dislike you if you do this
It is another bitterest thing Covert Narcissists say to hurt you when you refuse to do something they like. It is a way to emotionally blackmail you into acting according to their choice. They can also threaten to break up with you if you continue to “annoy” them by not listening to them. Well, the good thing will be the break-up itself because you will be out of a toxic relationship for good.
Why can’t you just let it go?
Covert Narcissists expect you to let go of things that are insignificant to them. It doesn’t matter how you feel about them. They try to show you that your emotions are meaningless to them and only their feelings are important. If this keeps happening for a long time, you will also adapt to feeling insignificant, tarnishing your dignity and self-worth.
No wonder everyone dislikes you
Yet another bitter thing Covert Narcissists say is to make you feel worthless. Deep down, Covert Narcissist knows they can never find someone better than you, so they are already complex. Their inferiority complex speaks volumes about their intentions of putting you down. They demonstrate demeaning and disrespectful attitudes towards you to cover up their internal complexes.
You are a toxic person
The worst thing a Covert Narcissist can do is project their major trait at you! They try to protect their fragile ego by creating a mess and accusing you of it so that you become the bad guy in everyone’s eyes. When you collect all the proofs and try to confront them, they play the victim card and make you the villain in front of the whole world. After blaming it on you, they call you a bad person. I was trapped in such a situation during my clinical rotation in the fourth year of MBBS, so I know exactly how it feels.
My final thoughts on bitter things Covert Narcissists say are that it is not easy to deal with a Covert Narcissist. However, beware of some of the phrases I mentioned in this article. If your partner, boss, or parent says any of these things to you repeatedly, it means you are a victim of narcissistic abuse. It would be best if you escaped as soon as possible. You can consult a therapist or a psychiatrist specializing in Narcissism and work with them to devise a strategy to get out of a narcissistic relationship. Lastly, You can make a safety plan with your therapist if you think you are in danger.