4 Weird Things Covert Narcissists Do Behind You

What I have known about Covert Narcissists so far is my personal experience and the knowledge I have earned from my clinical practice. Suspicious creatures, weird things covert narcissists do can leave you mysterious and on edge all the time. Do you wonder why your partner is being so secretive and not sharing details about their personal life despite being in a relationship with you? Such as who they meet, what they do in their free time, who their friends are, who they hang out with, and how they treat their friends and family. You may also wonder if their behaviour gets different with you in person compared to when you are in public.

I can go on with a list of teeny tiny weird things covert narcissists do that would make you suspicious. What’s more worrisome is they change the topic, avoid direct conversations, or simply ignore your question whenever you try to inquire about anything. At times they may directly ask you to stay out of it.

The question that often arises in my mind is why are Covert Narcissists so secretive? The probable answer is that being secretive gives them a sense of superiority over others, especially their partners. Externally they behave utterly opposite of what they are planning on inside. Such people are perilous because they will do whatever it takes to hide their lies and want you to believe who they portray you as.  When you discover weird things covert narcissists do, you will run a million miles away from them.

Today, I want to take you through a few hidden weird things covert narcissists do or truths they never want you to discover, especially at the beginning of your relationship. If you found these secret things, you would never want to be a part of their life in the first place. Most importantly, when you recognize these hidden things, you can deal with them more easily.

Covert Narcissist Secret #1: They show the world you are the most important person. However, they don’t care about you and your life behind closed doors.

First and foremost, the weird thing covert narcissists do is pretend that they really care about what’s going on in your life. However, at the beginning of your relationship, they will act incredibly interested in your personal life, friends and family. It’s pure manipulation! They do it to get you to trust and allow them in your life. It’s a technique to gain your trust.

Everything feels like a fairytale at the beginning. Covert Narcissists fool you into believing that their world revolves around you. However, that is not true. The reality is that a narcissistic partner always feels superior to you. They may not show it, but you will begin to see through the silver lining once it’s been a couple of months of your togetherness. Over time, you will know it’s always about their life, activities, likes, dislikes, achievements, and problems. If you do anything substantial, you will observe their fragile ego getting threatened, and they will taunt you behind closed doors. Secret weird thing covert narcissists do is envy your achievements and success and always want you to depend on them.

Covert Narcissist Secret #2: You are a source of validation and entertainment for them.

We all have some narcissistic traits, and some have more than others. We all do some of the weird things covert narcissists do. However, someone who fulfills the criteria for being diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder will treat you like an object. They do this mainly in person, i.e. behind closed doors, and will paint a completely opposite picture in front of your friends and family. As a result, everyone is convinced that you don’t deserve such a loving and caring partner.

The truth is, a Covert Narcissist can’t love anyone, and they only love what they can get from you. Most of my clients complain of the “sudden change in the behaviour of their partner” or “it’s like they have a dual personality, and I don’t know which one is real”. It’s a weird thing covert narcissists do, and they want you to stay confused.

Covert Narcissists know you have an empathetic personality, so they try to woo you first by making you feel like you matter the most to them. weird things covert narcissists do at the beginning of your relationship will never make you feel like the situation can flip like a coin. They do this to feed their ego, a false self they have created in their mind, which is superior to everyone around them. Let me tell you what goes on in their head deep down:

• They are with you because you are attractive, and people give them attention because they have you.
• You are smart and intelligent. You have got the resources and approach that they need.
• You love them genuinely and with all your heart which feeds their false superior self.

The sad part is that they see you as an object without emotions, feelings, or souls. If you no longer serve them the feed of superiority and grandiosity, they may leave you and replace you with someone else as if you never existed. Trust me, hidden things Covert Narcissists do to upset you will not bother you a few years down the line.

Covert Narcissist Secret #3: You cannot stop me from saying or doing whatever I want.

The immediate next weird thing Covert Narcissists do is hide that they are entitled to say or do whatever they wish while you have no say. You cannot even know what you are signing up for as everything is initially roses, gardens, and unicorns. The truth is that a Covert Narcissist doesn’t care what they say or do. Weird things covert narcissists do will never stop, no matter what. They are the supreme being and should be admired and appreciated for something as minor as passing a casual thought.

How incredible it is that your narcissistic partner will always hold you accountable if you say anything against their will, and believe me, they will never let it go. However, the rules are entirely different for them.

Another thing Covert Narcissists do is LIE. The worst part is they feel entitled to lie. In certain situations, however, they will tell you what you want to hear to shut you up or fulfil one of their secret agendas. Worst thing Covert Narcissists do is that they tend to skip the truth or slander it to make more room for narcissistic abuse, manipulation, attention, and suck-out energy from you. They bluntly lie to you to avoid being held accountable for what they are up to behind closed doors.

Let me tell you something interesting that I have keenly observed in my narcissistic clients. Their stories change every time they come to me for a session. Have you ever felt that the discussion you had with your partner last week has gone down in the dustbin, and today, the topic of conversation is entirely different? Your toxic partner will deny that they didn’t say such a thing last week. You lose your mind because you know they are lying, but THEY WILL NEVER ADMIT IT! However, hidden things Covert Narcissists do cannot stay hidden for so long.

Covert Narcissist Secret #4: They have all the rights to blame you for their shortcomings.

Another wild weird thing covert narcissists do behind closed doors is manipulating you into believing everything is your fault. This mainly happens when your relationship is collapsing and you feel things getting out of hand. You have tried everything in your capacity, but nothing is working out, so now you want an exit. A cunning narcissistic partner will never let you off the hook so quickly. Toxic weird things covert narcissists do will not let you take a final decision promptly. They will pretend in front of the world that everything is perfect between you, but behind the doors, they are playing blame games with you.

Some clients come to me with a history of depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. Upon inquiring, I discovered they have recently gotten out of an abusive relationship with a narcissistic partner. They were depressed because their partner held them accountable for every problem, wrongdoing, and relationship failure. I tell them to be prepared for more demonization, smearing, humiliation, insult, blame-shifting, and a lot other weird things covert narcissists do.

As far as a Covert Narcissists’ false self is concerned, you are terrible if you refuse to take their shit for long. You are only great if you give them their narcissistic supply. You shouldn’t expect any self-awareness, responsibility, or accountability from your narcissistic partner. It is useless to waste your time and energy arguing with them, as their fragile ego will never admit their mistake. So I simply advise my clients to say, “Yes, you are right. I am the bad person, and it’s all my fault”, and walk away.

The cure for this mess!

I just briefed you on the truth regarding the weird things covert narcissists do behind closed doors. They will never admit what they really feel about you, but the truth is:

• I don’t give a damn about you and your sentiments.
• You are a source of fun and pleasure for me to use you to get whatever I want.
• I can say and do anything I want. You cannot hold me accountable for any of that.
• I am disregarding you because you didn’t serve me adequately.
• I will blame you for everything I was never ready to face and sort out with myself.

If you weren’t sure of this earlier, I assure you now. This is the reality that Covert Narcissists hide behind closed doors. No matter what you say or do, it will never be sufficient. I want you to realize that you deserve to be taken seriously, loved and cherished, respected and cared for. You have to heal the damage they have done to you. Work on your inner being; you will never tolerate such negativity again.

Team Youthtable is always available for you. You are free to talk about weird things Covert Narcissists do to you or did to you in the past. You can come to us with whatever you are going through, and we will support you through the trauma and heal your broken soul with the compassion and kindness you deserve.