Narcissism is a personality disorder defined by an excessive preoccupation with one’s own feelings and the approval of others, as well as a general lack of empathy. One of these manifestations is covert narcissism, which differs from extravagant narcissism, which displays arrogance and entitlement more openly. In contrast, covert narcissists frequently evade detection by concealing behind a facade of modesty and vulnerability. Yet, beneath this apparently unassuming exterior, they conceal peculiar fixations and obsessions. In this exploration, we delve into the enthralling world of covert narcissists, uncovering the odd behaviors, things covert narcissists say, and statements that betray their underlying narcissistic tendencies. From their preoccupation with self-image to their propensity for emotional manipulation, we will explore the things covert narcissists say, the eccentricities that define these individuals and the complex ways in which they interact with the outside world.
1. Self-Image Preoccupation
Covert narcissists tie their self-worth to other people’s approval and they excessively care about how they look. They look for affirmation and praise from others to help them feel better about themselves. They feel temporarily more confident after receiving compliments on their appearance. People with this trait tend to be quite picky about how they look. To keep up what they think is a perfect front, they might do anything. They may become upset if they think others will admire them less because of some perceived imperfection.
Covert narcissistic people often evaluate themselves to others, usually those they find more beautiful or more successful. Feelings of inadequacy and envy might arise if people compare themselves to others and come to the conclusion that they fall short. They become more preoccupied with their own appearance as a result of this comparison. They may show symptoms of vanity by placing a high value on grooming, clothing, and other external markers of attractiveness. The need to be admired by others for one’s physical appearance motivates this action.
2. Maintaining an Idealized Online Persona
Covert narcissists compulsively construct an online persona intended to project an image of perfection and elicit admiration and jealousy from their online followers. They are very picky about what they disclose online in an effort to project an image that corresponds to their idealized conception of themselves. Their intense want for approval from others motivates this kind of behaviour. The Instagram account of a covert narcissist may be carefully designed to showcase solely the user’s physical beauty, expensive goods, and exotic travels. They could add filters and captions to make it look like they have a perfect life in order to gain admiration and followers.
3. Revisiting Past Slights
Things covert narcissists say frequently obsess over past instances in which they felt belittled, neglected, or mistreated. They bring up these issues frequently in discussion, but not necessarily to get anyone to help them. This behaviour stems from their insatiable need to be validated as victims. During a casual chat with friends, a covert narcissist might bring up a time when they think they were treated badly at work several years ago. Things covert narcissist say might include great detail, expecting to gain understanding from their friends and confirmation that they were, in fact, affected. When asked about their accomplishments at work, a covert narcissist would answer something like, “Remember that time my brilliant idea got totally ignored in the team meeting?” Nobody values my opinion around here. Their coworkers feel sorry for them and provide them with special attention.
4. Secret Fantasies of Success
People who are covert narcissists frequently have rooted desires for fame, fortune, and adoration. These fantasies provide individuals with a sense of self-worth, allowing them to forget their own insecurities for a while as they bask in the glory of their created successes. If you were to ask them about their professional goals, thing covert narcissists say something like, “I sometimes daydream about writing a revolutionary novel that changes the world.” This boastful proclamation boosts their ego since it alludes to their ambitious objectives.
5. Constant Fishing for Compliments
Things covert narcissists say have an overwhelming desire for approval. Their self-esteem is so low that they constantly look for affirmation of their looks, accomplishments, or skills. As they obsessively seek positive feedback from others, this behaviour becomes a compulsion. An example of a covert narcissist’s behaviour in the workplace is when they say things like, “I’m not sure if my presentation was any good today; I felt it was a bit lacking.” By playing down their accomplishments, they want to get praise from others. The ongoing demand for admiration and affirmation in the domain of professional ability is met when coworkers reply with comments like, “Your presentation was outstanding.”
6. Fixation on Material Possessions
As a means of projecting an image of success, affluence, and significance, covert narcissists may develop a fixation on acquiring material possessions. They incessantly acquire and display items they believe will elicit envy and admiration from others. Their insatiable want for approval from others drives their actions. The pursuit of material possessions for covert narcissists exceeds personal enjoyment or necessity. Narcissists use this approach to bolster the individual’s sense of self-importance. They hope that by flaunting their wealth and luxury, they will be seen as more than just successful; they will be seen as superior. The adoration they receive for their financial prosperity helps conceal their inner inadequacies. Thus, their focus reveals a profound desire for outward validation.
A covert narcissist may frequently flaunt their luxury automobile, designer clothes, and high-tech devices on social media. Pictures are uploaded with comments like “Another one for the collection!” “#Blessed” or “I’m living the dream!” Things covert narcissists say can be something as” I’ve always thought that surrounding yourself with high-quality possessions is a sign of self-respect. People cannot help but admire my style and accomplishments.” These updates aim to create a sense of superiority in their followers and inspire envy.
7. Fantasies of Ideal Relationship
Covert narcissists imagine themselves to be in ideal relationships where people shower them with praise, compliments, and special treatment. They have unrealistic expectations of their spouses and suffer severe disappointment when they aren’t met. The covert narcissist’s ideal romantic partner showers them with praise and attention at all times. They fantasize about a spouse who can not only meet but also identify all of their requirements. Dissatisfaction in the relationship is common when one partner exerts excessive pressure on the other to live up to an ideal that is impossible to achieve.
The fantasy helps them keep up an inflated sense of self in which they are the center of the universe. The thing covert narcissists say in a relationship may be something like, “I’ve always dreamed of a partner who respects my every need and desire, someone who puts me on a pedestal.” It’s a shame that genuine affection seems so hard to discover.” They communicate these fantasies to their companion, thereby generating unrealistic expectations and causing disappointment when they fail to meet expectations.
8. Monopolizing Vulnerability
Some covert narcissists have a unique obsession with controlling the vulnerable people in their social group. Covert narcissists with this fixation strive compulsively to be the only vulnerable member of their social circle. They try to keep the attention and compassion all to themselves by discouraging others from talking about their own problems. This action keeps them at the center of attention, where they can exert the most influence.
A covert narcissist with this addiction may interrupt a friend who is talking about a tough time in their life by saying something like, “Oh, that’s nothing compared to what I’ve gone through. What I’ve been through, you wouldn’t believe. Things covert narcissist say highlight their vulnerabilities and receive more attention by downplaying the hardships of others in favor of their own.
9. Chronic Rule-Breaking
Some covert narcissists become obsessed with violating rules and norms, believing that they are superior to social conventions. They sincerely believe they are superior to these regulations, and their behaviour demonstrates a sense of entitlement and superiority. They may take delight in repeatedly getting away with trivial infractions and using rule-breaking to assert their presumed exceptional status. Covert narcissists use persistent rule violations to highlight their own feelings of superiority. The fact that they are able to repeatedly violate standards without suffering any negative repercussions further strengthens their conviction that they are unique and, hence, above the norm.
In a work environment where punctuality is precious, a covert narcissist with this preoccupation may arrive consistently late for meetings or deadlines, frequently without justification. They could criticize and ask, “Why are you being so rule-bound?” There are more productive ways for me to spend my time. This action not only shows a lack of concern for social rules but also implies they think highly of themselves.
10. Identity Theft Fantasies
Covert narcissists with this fixation become preoccupied with envisioning themselves as completely different individuals, frequently indulging in fantasies of assuming a new identity with grandiose qualities. For a little while, at least, these fantasies can help them forget about their concerns. To momentarily ease their emotions of inadequacy and self-doubt, covert narcissists indulge in fantasies of identity theft. Taking on a fictional persona might help people temporarily forget about their own perceived imperfections and feelings of insecurity. Things covert narcissists say to a friend is something like, “I often fantasize about being a renowned celebrity or a brilliant scientist. My thoughts transport me to an alternate reality, one in which I am a superhuman. These dreams provide a temporary refuge from the nagging self-doubt and insecurity that plague them in real life.
11. Final Thoughts
We have explored the fascinating world of covert narcissists and their peculiar fixations and fantasies. Things covert narcissists say display a rich tapestry of characteristics and fixations, from a constant desire for approval and praise to odd actions based on self-perception and power. People with low self-esteem frequently resort to various techniques, such as constantly seeking affirmation, daydreaming about perfect partners, and focusing excessively on financial items. As a way to deal with their own fears, they also do strange things, like monopolizing vulnerability, breaking the rules all the time, and making up stories about stealing other people’s identities.
Here,we can understand the individual’s complicated relationship and interaction dynamics by delving into the specifics of covert narcissism. It also stresses the significance of having a strong sense of self-worth that does not depend entirely on the approval of others. Explanations of these strange fixations and fantasies are provided in great detail, illuminating the narcissistic traits that explain the actions of covert narcissists.