Introduction: My Journey into The Art of Self-Love
Hello, my young readers!
Welcome again!
Today, I want to discuss something that I realized I should have addressed much earlier, as it’s the most important aspect of leading a happy, healthy, and peaceful life. People generally underestimate the Art of Self-Love.
In today’s era, we strive to take care of every loved one around us while often overlooking the importance of our own mental and physical health. We remain in a constant state of rush, around the clock. We are always on our toes, to get this or that task done, forgetting to take a pause and practice the Art of Self-Love.
I’ll confess, even until a year or two ago, I thought that self-love was probably a spa day, and an Instagram-worthy story. However, as I stumbled upon burnout from work, anxiety of meeting deadlines, and a nagging emptiness in my interpersonal relationships, I discovered that loving oneself is a profound art, not a cliche. In order to lead a content and successful life, I realized I had to master the Art of Self-Love. To do that, I needed a structured, holistic blueprint of inner pillars that support one, like the legs of a sturdy table.
In this article today, I invite you into my world (and sometimes my ridiculously chaotic inner monologue) as I explore the 7 Pillars Of The Art Of Self-Love. These pillars are not some random self-help tropes, but integrated dimensions of being-emotional, practical, rational, and spiritual.
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” — Buddha
Let’s embark on the journey together.
Pillar 01: Radical Acceptance (of Myself, Flaws, and All)
All of us know that Self-love is an art. The first brushstroke is Acceptance. Before any change, before any growth, I had to say YES. I had to accept myself for who I was. My imperfections, my mistakes, shame, and missteps. EVERYTHING. “Radical Acceptance” literally means accepting all of myself, not just the good, but all the bad as well. Without any apology.
I was the worst critic of my mind, my thoughts, my body, and my choices. But radical acceptance requires you to adopt this ideology: I am a work in progress, not a flawed object to discard. In Psychology, Acceptance of the Self is recognized as the precursor of mental wellness.
When I practice this pillar, I dive into:
- Acknowledging my feelings rather than suppressing them.
- Compassionate inner conversation (“I know you are struggling and trying your best, I am not here to humiliate you”).
- Letting go of impossible ideals (“I must win this”, “I must be perfect at this”).
Kindness goes a long way, so you might as well be kind to yourself first. In moments when the mirror stares back at me with insecurities, I whisper to myself, “Your efforts define you, not your failures, and that is enough”.
Sometimes I joke with myself while staring in the mirror, “If you’re going to live in this body, you might as well become friends with the weird bits”.
Pillar 02: Self-Appreciation & Gratitude
Acceptance paves the way, but appreciation gives it color. If acceptance is “I allow you”, then appreciation is “I believe in you”. I cultivate gratitude not just for golden days, but for every small act, the way I smile, the shade of my eyes, the resilience in getting out of bed, even the courage to make a cup of coffee.
Over the years, I developed the habit of journaling daily: “Three things I appreciate about myself today”. Gradually, I began to see the constellation of strengths, no matter how minute.
“When you recover or discover something that nourishes your soul and brings joy, care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life.” — Jean Shinoda Bolen.
Self-appreciation is an antidote to creeping mediocrity. It reminds us that we matter, not because of our achievements, but by virtue of our mere existence.
Back then, I used to think that appreciation is only for the grand things. Not anymore. Now I treasure the soft hum of my breath, the liveliness of my soul, the tingling of my fingers, and even the fact that I laughed at a silly meme.
Pillar 03: Nurturing My Vessel-Body, Mind, & Soul
Self-love is not supposed to exist in Philosophy only. It must land in the somatic, the living body. The third pillar we are talking about is to NURTURE. To cater to the needs of your mind, body, and soul. Treat them as sacred terrain.
Body
- Healthy, nourishing diet (not diet wars)
- Movements I enjoy (dancing, yoga, jogging, walking)
- Easing pressure, resting well, and getting sound sleep
- Gentle rituals (a warm shower, skincare routine, soft massage)
Mind
- Play, curiosity, puzzle games
- Reading books, creative art, learning something new (a recipe, or a language)
- Filters: What social media, conversations, and influences I allow in.
- Watching documentaries, light romcoms, and intellectual shows.
Soul/Spirit
- Meditation, Prayer, Contemplative time
- Time in daylight, and nature
- Journaling, Dream work, Silence
I often remind myself that my body is not an iPhone, so I should not expect it to run 24/7 without charging. This thought helps me to stay kind to myself and not to take a break when fatigue calls.
Nurture is the daily maintenance. Without it, all three dimensions of your existence will undergo wear and tear in no time. When I fail to nurture my being, I feel hollow and brittle. When I do it, I feel alive and fulfilled.
Pillar 04: Self-Respect & Boundaries
The first three pillars that we discussed were about attending to inner needs. The fourth one is about establishing and maintaining boundaries. The Art of Self-Love must manifest as a refusal to be drained, disrespected, or devalued.
I discovered slowly that NO is a complete sentence that doesn’t require any explanation. Protecting my energy is not selfish; it’s self-love. I don’t only deserve respect from others, but also from the choices I make.
Boundaries I practice now:
- Saying NO without having to explain myself or feeling guilty.
- Limiting time with toxic people.
- Prioritizing my schedule, rest, and solitude.
- Limiting interaction with toxic people.
As I walk down memory lane, I recall how foolish I was to say YES to everything and everyone to appear good and avoid any drama. I was a people pleaser at that time. Now I imagine having a polite bouncer inside of me, checking requests and only letting in what I can truly host.
Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you are cutting off love; it simply means you are refining it.
Pillar 05: Emotional Literacy & Shadow Integration
I always underestimated this pillar for quite some time to understand my internal language. Emotions such as joy, grief, shame, or anger are silent messengers, not your enemies. Self-love invites me to feel and embrace my emotions to the fullest, rather than avoiding them.
I’ll tell you how I practice emotional education:
- Keeping a track of my emotional triggers.
- Labeling my emotions whatever and however I feel them.
- Inner dialogue with myself or journaling my thoughts.
- Shadow work: Acknowledging the darker areas (jealousy, criticism, fear)
The father of Psychoanalysis, Carl Jung, said, “One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” My mind resonates deeply with this idea.
I try a little humor with this, too: When shame kicks in, I say, “Dude, so nice of you to pay a visit. How long are you going to stay?” Then I listen to the answer. At times, it represents unmet needs, longing, or childhood echoes.
When I attempt to integrate rather than suppress my emotions, I reclaim control and energy. Parts of me that I used to banish become my allies.
Pillar 06: Purpose & Authentic Contribution
I am not sure about the youth reading this, but for me, the Art of Self-Love isn’t accomplished fully if it doesn’t reach outwards. Loving myself means becoming an instrument for something greater than my ego, i.e, to contribute, create, and serve.
Purpose doesn’t require grandiosity. It can be:
- Helping a neighbor.
- Mentorship or tutoring.
- Creativity (writing, art, music).
- Advocating for justice (For example, women’s rights, etc).
I often ask myself: If I stopped doing everything else, what would I still want to do? That seed often points to PURPOSE. Maybe that’s why, at a subconscious level, I chose to be a doctor. To serve humanity.
When my mindset shifted from self-absorption to serving mankind, I felt more connected, more grounded, more alive. And I often remind myself with a quote: “You were born to make manifest the glory of God within you.” — Bhagavad Gita.
There is one important thing to keep in mind here: Your contribution MUST align with your gifts, values, and capacity.
Pillar 07: Growth & Transformation (The Spiral Always Continues)
If acceptance grounds me, and purpose brings the best in me outwards, then the seventh pillar is transformation-the spiral of becoming. Self-love is not complacent; it’s evolutionary. It allows you to commit to:
- Learning new skills.
- Realizing egoic limitations.
- Inner evolution (beliefs, mindset).
- Celebrating milestones.
- Rewriting narratives.
There are moments in a day when I feel stagnant, but I gently remind myself: Feeling stuck isn’t shameful; it’s part of the cycle. Then I ask myself, “What next frontier calls me?”.
“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” — George Bernard Shaw
Growth and Transformation is a promise to myself that loving myself as I am doesn’t prevent change; it catalyzes it.
Conclusion: A Lifelong Canvas
My young readers, if you asked me when I began to practice the Art of Self-Love, I’d honestly tell you that it began the moment I admitted I’d rather suffer from loving too much than live without it. The 7 Pillars aren’t really a rigid blueprint but a living ecosystem-breathing, shifting, evolving, and transforming.
Of course, I still falter, still stumble, and sometimes I forget. But I keep returning to these pillars. I lean on them when life cracks me open, and I build from them when I dream into new horizons.
If you choose to explore these pillars with me, you can connect with me at Youth Table Talk. Remember that self-love is not a destination; it’s a lifelong canvas. And you, my dear reader, are fully worthy of every brushstroke.
FAQs
1. Do I have to master all 7 pillars at once?
Not at all. This is a lifelong journey. You can start with one pillar (often acceptance or nurture) and gradually weave into others. The pillars support each other.
2. What if I have past trauma? Can Self-love still work?
Yes, it can. But Trauma requires therapeutic support. Self-love in that case is gentle and slow-paced, sometimes holding space for healing alongside professional help.
3. Is Self-love selfish or narcissistic?
No. True Self-love is rooted in integrity, compassion, and service. Without self-love, we risk co-dependency and depletion. When you care for your own vessel, you are capable of giving more sustainably to others.
4. What if one pillar feels weaker? How do I strengthen it?
Identify which pillar feels tenuous (e.g., setting boundaries or shadow work), and give it smaller, consistent attention. Consistency is the key. For instance, practice a tiny boundary today, or name one shadow emotion and begin working on it. One day at a time.
5. How do I maintain Self-love during a crisis or grief?
During those hard times, lower your expectations. Prioritize the pillars of acceptance, nurture, and emotional literacy. Tend to these slowly. The other pillars can rest for a while, but that doesn’t mean you have lost the blueprint.
References
- Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. HarperCollins.
- Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection. Hazelden Publishing.
- Psychology Today. The Art of Self-Love: How to Truly Accept Yourself
- Mindful.org. The Practice of Self-Compassion.
- Greater Good Science Center, UC Berkeley. What is Self-Compassion?
- Chopra, D. (2021). 7 Steps to Self-Love. The Chopra Center.
- Harvard Health Publishing. Learning to Love Yourself.
Talia Siddiq, is a qualified MBBS doctor and she is doing specialization in psychology. She has a good experience of working with people suffering from mental issues. She has written extensively on most common yet unattended issues faced by the youth such as psychological issues, relationship problems, self-harm, addictions, career counseling, financial freedom etc.
