All of us are fully aware of the fact that money is a powerful tool. In the hands of a covert narcissist, it becomes a weapon of charm, manipulation, as well as rejection. Be it in romantic relationships, friendships, or family dynamics, narcissistic people use their financial resources to show off their power, and assert control. There are several weird things covert narcissists do. However, today we will be focusing on covert narcissists and money tactics they use to dominate their closed ones and discard them if they no longer serve any purpose.
1. Grand gestures to impress and lure you in
Covert narcissists are the masters of money, or you can call them money players. They are all about making grand gestures with the help of their money. Expensive diners, lavish dates, extravagant gifts, are their go-to moves when covert narcissists want to draw somebody’s attention.
Why do you think is that? That’s because such grand gestures scream, “I am the best!”
For a covert narcissist, it’s not just about doing all of these things out of love and kindness, it’s about creating an illusion of superiority and richness that is hard to resist. These seemingly romantic gestures are planned to make you feel indebted or obligated to admire their love for you.
Pro Tip: If you ever witness covert narcissist and money into play, notice how much they flaunt being the best you could have ever had! Take a moment to ponder whether it’s genuine or a ploy for control.
2. Playing the Provider card
There are various weird things covert narcissists do, doubtlessly, but this one thing is extremely important for you to understand. In a relationship, they will always make you feel like you will not be able to survive without them and they are your saviors. You will often hear them give statements like:
- You would be nothing without me darling!
- Nobody can do for you as much as I have done
- You are lucky to have me!
This is common in all sorts of relationships with a narcissist but more so in a romantic relationship where the narcissistic partner uses the financial dependency as a way to trap their partner and make them feel indebted. Gradually, the dependent partner finds it hard to get out of the relationship even if gets toxic because they are financially dependent on their narcissistic partner.
Real-life scenario: Imagine you have a partner who happens to possess narcissistic traits and they constantly remind you of how much they love you from how much they spend on you. You will feel as if your partner is trying to buy your love and attention by showering the money on you!
3. The show-off syndrome!
Covert narcissists and money are best friends! No, seriously. Jokes apart. They thrive on attention and money games are the best way to do it. Luxury cars, destination events, designer attires, are all a part of the show!
You may ask what’s the purpose behind all of this show? Why fill the Instagram feed with this stuff? The answer is quite simple. Because these displays of wealth serve as a magnet to charm people and seek validation. Sadly enough, people do get attracted to this charm without realizing that they are feeding a narcissist’s ego.
However, here is the mega surprise. The wealth they flaunt may not even be theirs at times. Borrowed money, credit card debts, and leased luxury items are often behind the façade.
Matter of engagement: Have you ever noticed someone’s lifestyle too good to be true? Do try to dig deeper. You will be astonished at what you get to know. It might just be smoke and mirrors!
4. Using money as a way to test a narcissist’s loyalty
A weird thing covert narcissists do is that they deliberately set up situation where they get a chance to prove their loyalty using their favorite game i.e., money game.
Let’s talk about a situation. You ask your partner, who happens to be a narcissist, where they would like to go on a dinner date with you and they tell you about a place. You finally arrive there and have your meal. When the waiter hands over the bill to you, your jaw drops in an awe because you simply cannot afford it! It’s too overpriced. Covert narcissists and money games come into play and finally, they either share the bill with you or pay the entire bill themselves. Later, they flaunt about how much they love you and take care of you just because they paid off a bill!
By framing money as a measure of devotion, they manipulate others into proving their loyalty, often at great personal cost.
Quick reflection: Have you ever felt pressured to accept someone’s financial behavior to accept conflict? That’s a major RED FLAG I tell you! Beware!
5. Getting rid of those who no longer serve any purpose
Covert narcissists deal with people as if they are dealing with finances. They will spend money on you as long as you will admire them or satisfy their ego. However, they will not take a second to cut off the ties with you as soon as they realize that you are not no longer of any use to them, emotionally and mentally.
Ghosting you so easily is one of the many weird things covert narcissists do to you. Once they know that you are not helpful to them in any ways, they will cut you off as if they never knew you. They can withdraw financial support, block access to shared resources, or abruptly stop communicating with you. Never underestimate their ability to detach because they see people as disposable.
Interactive Tip: If your partner’s financial generosity seems conditional, tread cautiously. Genuine affection and concern come without any strings attached.
6. Weaponizing money during conflicts
Like I said earlier, Covert narcissists and money are a lethal combo! They use money as a weapon during an argument or a fight. They do so to protect their fragile ego. They will use it to insult you, crush your self-respect, or punish you.
Narcissists show off their money during a conflict as a means to win because in their defense, they have nothing authentic to say to support their side of the story.
During a fight, you will often hear them giving statements like:
- Is this how you repay me after all the money I have spent on you?
- All the best finding someone who can afford your luxuries like I did!
- You never deserved the kind of princess treatment I gave you!
These statements are extremely brutal because they feed on your insecurities and can make you feel unworthy and incapable.
Interactive challenge: If you ever happen to have been in a close relationship with a covert narcissist and had a conflict by any chance, how did they make you feel when they boasted their money expenditure on you? Did you feel humiliated and controlled?
7. Breakup with a covert narcissist becomes expensive
People might say it’s a weird thing covert narcissists do but I say it’s sheer manipulation. When the relationship with a narcissist reaches the height of toxicity, and you realize that you need to part ways, your narcissistic partner will do everything in their capacity to prevent you from exiting the relationship. They will make your life miserable in few of the following ways possible:
- They will withhold the financial resources.
- They will demand the payback of money they spent on your princess treatment for instance.
- They will drag out legal battles in divorces or business separations.
- They will hire most expensive lawyers to file false cases against you.
- They will threaten to take custody of the children if you two have any.
A covert narcissist’s goal is to make you second-guess your decision of leaving them by wrecking a financial havoc in your life. It’s a money tactic to regain control over you.
Final thought: Financial independence is the first step if you want to exit a narcissistic relationship. It may seem difficult at first but rest assured, you will never regret it.
Wrapping up.
Covert narcissists use money as a tool to attract and dismiss people, creating a vicious cycle of admiration and rejection that may leave you emotionally and financially drained. After getting to know that money tactics are one of the weird things covert narcissists do, you can take appropriate preventative measures to avoid getting trapped into narcissistic games.
Don’t let someone use money to control you. Make it clear that your value isn’t tied to their spending. You deserve to build happy and healthy relationships based on mutual respect, love, and care, rather than manipulation.
If you have ever had such encounters with a narcissist who used money as a weapon to dominate or control you, share your experiences in the comment section below. Your story might help someone identify similar signs and get a heads-up.
Talia Siddiq, is a qualified MBBS doctor and she is doing specialization in psychology. She has a good experience of working with people suffering from mental issues. She has written extensively on most common yet unattended issues faced by the youth such as psychological issues, relationship problems, self-harm, addictions, career counseling, financial freedom etc.
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