Covert Narcissist

5 ways to remain sane with Covert Narcissist Husbands

Covert narcissist husbands are subtle in their behaviors and are very hard to identify. Do you know of any covert narcissists? If not, then in this article I’ll tell you about the behaviors, mannerisms, causes, and signs of covert narcissists, especially covert narcissist husbands.

Covert Narcissism

Covert narcissists are people suffering from a covert narcissistic personality disorder. These people hide the obvious signs and are difficult to spot. As opposed to them, overt narcissists are easy to identify because of their loud and boisterous behavior.

Covert narcissists lack empathy, sympathy, and compassion. They have a heightened sense of self-importance, grandiose fantasies about themselves, and exploit others through manipulation tactics, etc.

Covert Narcissist Husbands

Covert Narcissist husbands are emotionally abusive towards their spouses. They have a strong sense of self-awareness and put themselves above everyone else, especially their wife.

Signs of Covert Narcissist Husbands

Several signs deem a person as a covert narcissist husband. These signs include

  • Passive-aggression

Covert narcissist husbands are passive-aggressive. They show pretentious interest in their wives and are habitual in telling blatant lies. They seemingly forget their wife’s prior commitments and give importance to their commitments. When they’re confronted, they don’t rectify their mistake and will make a show of their suffering that they were looking forward to their plans.

  • Highly sensitive to criticism

Covert narcissist husbands are highly critical but cannot take criticism themselves. They have a heightened sense of self-esteem and think that they are better than everyone around them hence, they don’t take well to criticism.

  • No importance of their spouse

Covert narcissistic husbands will forget their wife’s demands or requirements and make no effort in rectifying the situation. They will somehow turn the situation and blamed their wife. Upon confrontation, they might deem their wife as being too ‘picky’ or ‘choosy’.

  • Pretentious helpful and kind behavior

Covert narcissist husbands behave in such a manner that, to the outside world, they will appear as being helpful, nice, kind, and loving. But to their wife, they are the complete opposite. Even their help would cause more work for the wife. And if they are confronted by their wife they become resentful towards them.

  • Blaming and shaming

Covert narcissist husbands don’t ask their wives to do anything for them but resent them when they don’t. The common demands and requirements of marriage seem unreasonable to them and if a wife asks for these demands they blame them by saying that they’re being unreasonable and shame them in a manner that they too start thinking in the same manner.

Behaviors of Covert Narcissist Husbands

The following are some examples of behaviors exhibited by a covert narcissistic husband. These include

  • Their lack of empathy towards their spouse.
  • Expectation from wife to take care of them without being asked to.
  • Gaslighting behavior by making them doubt themselves and their sense of reality.
  • Taking advantage of their wife’s vulnerabilities and weaknesses.
  • Denying rights, feelings, and emotions of their wife.
  • Their passive-aggressive behavior.
  • They need to guilt and shame their wife.

These behaviors are typical of Covert narcissistic husbands and are found in almost all of them.


Commonly used phrases by Covert narcissist Husbands

Covert narcissist husbands use phrases that are hurtful and resentful. However, to them, there is nothing wrong with them but with the way they are perceived by others. These phrases include

  • It is not a big deal.
  • I’m just joking.
  • It’s your fault.
  • Well, you may have deserved it.
  • It is all in your head.
  • You’re so critical.
  • You’re so insecure.

Tactics used by Covert Narcissist Husbands

Covert narcissist husbands use manipulative tactics to gain control over their lives and wife.

They use the following methods

  • Gaslighting

The reason for the usage of this manipulative tactic by covert narcissist husbands is to make their wife doubt their judgment and sense of reality. It is a type of emotional abuse and psychological brainwashing. It makes the wife doubt their perception of reality.

  • Passive aggression

Covert narcissist husbands make fun of their wives and blame and shame them. When they feel neglected, they make things difficult for their wife,  all the while saying, that there’s nothing wrong.

There are other manipulative tactics too that are used by covert narcissist husbands.

5 ways to remain sane with Covert Narcissist Husbands

The first step to remaining sane with a Covert narcissist husband would be to recognize the presence of it. Some people would choose to leave their relationships and end them. However, there are several ways you can defend yourself against these behaviors. These ways would help you remain sane with your covert narcissist husbands. These include

  • Refusing to take responsibility for others’ actions

Covert narcissistic husbands may blame their wives that they were the ones to provoke them. However, refusing to take responsibility and being meek would help you to stay sane and strong.

  • Refusal to take it personally

Covert narcissist husbands have a lack of regard and their disruptive and manipulative behaviors could seem very personal. However, it’s important to know that these behaviors have nothing to do with you but, their narcissistic tendencies are to be blamed.

  • Setting boundaries

Covert narcissist husbands do not have healthy boundaries. Since they lack empathy and compassion, they tend to be hurtful and resentful toward their wife. You need to reinforce your boundaries and let your values be known to your covert narcissistic husbands.

  • Strengthening yourself

Strengthening your relationship with yourself is an important step in maintaining your sanity when living with a covert narcissist husband. You need to know your values, goals, and targets to advocate for yourself in front of your husband. But for that, you need to be strong from within and have a clear understanding of your values and priorities.

  • Creating a distance

A relationship with a Covert narcissist husband tends to be draining, frustrating, and overwhelming. Limiting personal interactions and creating healthy distances would keep your sanity intact and help you enjoy your relationships and life.

Conclusion and Summary

In conclusion, Covert narcissist husbands are extremely hard to live with and are insufferable. Taking a divorce from them is very difficult and they are never the ones to initiate a divorce. However, their mannerisms and behaviors drive their spouses to break things off and end the relationship. These relationships are long-term and it takes a long time for the wife to identify their husbands as covert narcissists.



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