Hello, my dear fellow!
So, I am sure whenever you hear the term Narcissist, you imagine a self-centered, grandiose individual who posts insanely on social media, bragging about their materialistic belongings, luxurious cars, expensive vacations, and glamorous attire. And you say to yourself, “Oh, wait! That doesn’t apply to me, and I haven’t ever come across such a person in my life”.
But here is the truth: In your life, you have come across narcissism in some form, believe it or not. You may know it or not. Therefore, reading at least one of the countless books on narcissism is essential. The idea here is to enhance your ability to recognize a narcissist and avoid falling prey to their trap. This can help you sharpen your intuition and strengthen your relationships.
Today, we are going to explore a few reasons why books on narcissism should be on everybody’s reading list, including you.
What Do You Generally Learn from Books on Narcissism?
Before we discuss the “why”, let’s explore the “what”, i.e, what do books on narcissism actually teach? Popular books such as:
- The Narcissist You Know by Joseph Burgo
- Disarming the Narcissist by Wendy T. Behary
- Will I Ever Be Free of You? By Karyl McBride
- Psychopath Free by Jackson MacKenzie
- Should I Stay or Should I Go? By Ramani Durvasula
These Books typically explain:
- Traits of Narcissism: Grandiosity, Self-centeredness, Lack of empathy, Entitlement, Manipulation
- Gaslighting: How a narcissist distorts your reality
- Love Bombing: The seductive “honeymoon” phase
- The Abusive Cycle: The cycle of Idealizing-Disregarding-Discarding
- Boundary Setting: How to set boundaries and protect yourself
These books don’t just describe who a narcissist is or how to spot one, but also the experience of being under the influence of a narcissist. Individuals who read any of these books on narcissism often comment, “I couldn’t explain what I was going through unless I read this book”.
I have personally followed Dr. Ramini Durvasula, and it was only after following her that I realized what narcissism actually was.
Narcissism Is Way More Common Than You Think
It’s one of the biggest myths that narcissism is uncommon. Hell, no! So basically, it’s a spectrum. Various individuals demonstrate different traits of narcissism without meeting the full criteria of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
I highly doubt that you would have met somebody with NPD, but what I am sure of is that you most certainly will have interacted with:
- A family member who always plays the victim card
- A boss who always wants to control things and employees
- A friend who makes everything about them
- A romantic partner who manipulates with charm, love bombs, and then withdraws attention
Even if you haven’t labeled any of these people as narcissists, you would have recognized these traits. Reading books on narcissism can help you understand these patterns and identify the dynamics early, before they can harm you in any way.
Reasons You Should Read At least One Book on Narcissism
1. Self-Defense In Disguise
Assume that books on narcissism are a survival guide for you. I only discovered what narcissism was after crossing paths with one, and so I didn’t know what was happening to me unless I started searching the web and reading the books. If I had been aware of it before encountering a narcissist, I would be better prepared to deal with it without going through so much trauma.
I don’t want my readers to go through the same situation. You don’t need to meet a narcissist to prepare for one. Why am I emphasizing this so much? Because narcissists are masters of facade. They can appear charismatic, generous, and affectionate, all at once, especially at the beginning. If you don’t know the red flags, you may not realize what’s happening until you are emotionally trapped.
As you read the books on narcissism, you learn how to:
- Spot the toxic traits
- Resist manipulation tactics like gaslighting and blame games
- Protect your boundaries and step out before things get messy.
In other words, it’s an emotional self-defense.
2. It Strengthens Your Overall Relationships
When I tell my colleagues that knowing about narcissism, even if they never cross paths with one, helps improve their existing relationships, they get confused. How so? Well, books on narcissism:
- Enlighten you on how healthy vs unhealthy dynamics look
- Bring you awareness of controlling and manipulation tactics
- Promote stronger boundaries and ensure intact integrity.
You start observing subtle power struggles at work, in friendships, or even within your family dynamics. Once you see them, you can deal with them in more mature ways, without hurting your peace of mind.
To put it in simple words, books on narcissism don’t just protect you from the toxicity of narcissists, but also help you become a stronger version of yourself in all your relationships. Be it professional or personal.
3. Better Understanding of Your Own self
Well, books on narcissism don’t just help you combat narcissism. Surprisingly, it also explores how you respond to narcissistic personalities and why various people behave in certain ways around narcissists.
- Why do some people get drawn to narcissistic individuals repeatedly?
- Why do certain types of people attract narcissists as prey?
- How does childhood upbringing shape your ability to tolerate toxic behavior?
- Do you yourself possess narcissistic tendencies, or how to keep your behaviour in check?
These reflections can be eye-opening. Sometimes, the toughest part isn’t to spot a narcissist around us, but to identify the subtle ways in which we enable, excuse, or even mirror the narcissistic behavior towards our friends, family, and at work.
By reading books on narcissism, you gain access to the tools you can use for self-improvement and growth.
4. Narcissism Shapes Our Culture
Even if you are lucky enough to dodge narcissists in your personal life, how do you avoid them at a societal level? Many political leaders, celebrities, and social media influencers thrive on their toxic narcissistic traits. Sadly, our culture rewards their grandiosity, charming facade, and self-promotion, labeling it as self-love.
Books on narcissism teach you to see the truth behind this glitter. You become less dazzled by their charisma and more impressed by honesty and authenticity. In an era of finely curated social media feeds and “influencer culture”, that’s a skill we all desperately need.
5. Somebody Has Rightly Said, “Prevention Is Better Than Cure.”
If you ever happen to meet a survivor of narcissistic abuse, you’ll most certainly hear them say, “Wish I could see the warning signs earlier.” Being a survivor of narcissistic abuse myself, I can safely say that I wish I had read at least one book on narcissism so that I could protect myself from the trauma I had to go through for good 2-3 years. The emotional damage, the anxiety, confusion, and self-doubt took quite a while to untangle. And it was worse than a nightmare!
Hence, by reading books on narcissism, you don’t wait until you land in a crisis to learn. You prepare in advance. You train your mind in such a way that you can easily spot a narcissist by observing a few signs and leaving right away.
6. Empathy With the Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse
I am not saying that you most certainly have or will encounter a narcissistic person, but chances are that you know someone who already has. A friend who just got out of a toxic marriage. A coworker frustrated with a controlling boss, or a cousin who continues to struggle with the wounds of a manipulating parent.
When you have read books on narcissism, you can listen to their problems with a deeper understanding. Instead of dismissing their pain with “Just quit”, “File a divorce”, “Move out”, “Cut off ties”, you will be able to support them, guide them, and encourage them to seek professional help.
My Personal Reflection
I can only apologize to my younger self that I put her through so much pain, only because I didn’t know if there was something like narcissism. If I had read at least a single book on narcissism, I would be able to walk away as soon as I spotted the first red flag in a narcissist.
So, when I started to do my research, all of my experience made perfect sense. The terminology books on narcissism taught me were initially my feelings I couldn’t name. They didn’t just help me cope with the trauma, but also taught me how to spot a narcissist. These books also helped me understand human behavior, relationships, and even myself more clearly.
My Final Thoughts: Everyone Needs This Awareness
Narcissism is much more common than we think, and its toxic traits don’t get highlighted right away, as narcissists are masters of manipulation. Even if you think you have never had an experience with a narcissist, reading books on narcissism will surely serve as the best guide to protect you from any possible emotional turmoil in the future. They will make you wiser, stronger, and more empathetic.
You never know if any of your loved ones is going through such a trauma, and you might just be their angel in disguise. If you have the knowledge, you can not only take care of yourself but also your friends and family.
Think of this as emotional insurance: something you may never need, but if you do, I promise you’ll be glad you had it.
Talia Siddiq, is a qualified MBBS doctor and she is doing specialization in psychology. She has a good experience of working with people suffering from mental issues. She has written extensively on most common yet unattended issues faced by the youth such as psychological issues, relationship problems, self-harm, addictions, career counseling, financial freedom etc.
