“An unpredictable parent is a fearsome god in the eyes of a child.” ~ Susan Forward
What if I say I’m writing this article to reveal all the demigods of abusive narcissistic parents? Well, don’t miss this article if you want to combat the fearsome gods quotes in this article.
- Toxic Parenting Style; Narcissistic Parents
- 10 Narcissist Parent Quotes Uncovering Their Toxic Behavior
- Coping With Narcissistic Parental Abuse
Toxic Parenting Style; Narcissistic Parents
It won’t be a shock for you to think of your parents in a deity context. Our culture inculcates in our minds that parents are somewhat spiritual gods, and we must obey their commands. Yet, at the same time, parents are obliged to fulfil their good parenting role. We may think toxic parenting is a child getting brutally scolded or physically hit by their parents, but rather it is an unseen gut-wrenching bond children share with their toxic parents.
In most cases, toxic parents act differently behind closed doors. One of the main figures of toxic parenting is ‘Narcissistic Parents’; the manipulation goons, the control freaks, the apathetic chauvinists. Living with emotionally unavailable narcissistic parents means being in the middle of nowhere, and your sense of self-worth is no longer intact. Moreover, their unsparing absence and chaotic presence cause disorientation in a child’s life, which he rarely escapes in adulthood.
Talking about the aftermath of narcissistic parents’ toxic behaviors, I would like to quote this research on “Never Learned to Love Properly”: A Qualitative Study Exploring Romantic Relationship Experiences in Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents” by Lyons et. al… The researchers found that adults raised by narcissistic parents often struggle with trust issues, fear of abandonment, commitment anxiety, and blurred boundaries. They form dysfunctional romantic relationships while some of the victims reported being overly sensitive to criticism and replicating unhealthy dynamics learned in childhood. Furthermore, the narcissistic parental intrusion caused difficulties in finding intimacy in the adult relationship. [1]
The quotes on narcissistic parents, sayings, and facts might bring back some memories of the past in your mind. Down in your memory lane, you may find the times when your narcissistic parents were actually toxic but you didn’t know how to confront them. This next part including quotes , is for you to make sense of all the pain you have borne till now.
10 Narcissist Parent Quotes Uncovering Their Toxic Behaviour
1. “Narcissists don’t co-parent. They do counter-parenting. They don’t care about the collateral emotional damage done to the children, as long as it hurts you.” ~ Elizabeth Shaw
Elizabeth Shaw, a Narcissistic Abuse Coach reclaims this awakening quote on narcissistic parents. They don’t co-parent the child, instead, they counter the needs and sayings of the poor soul. Having to suffer a rift between the parents is itself a trauma, but the child of narcissistic parents also faces a disorganized family. A family where unrealistic expectations are made of the child, where nobody thinks about their emotions and feelings. Then under such circumstances, the home becomes a cage of narcissistic control and love becomes punishment for the child.
2. “This is called crazy making, and it is what narcissists do. They push to provoke bad feelings, and when they do and their victim reacts, they feel better. Somehow, they transfer their state of mind onto their victims.” ~ Diana Macey
Diana Macey is an acclaimed writer with her work on Narcissistic Parents, Narcissistic Mothers, and Healing from Narcissistic Abuse. She claims narcissistic parents intentionally gaslight their children to cause guilt-trips and agony. They provoke the innocent children until they show emotional outbursts, which works like a waiver for the narcissistic parents. Their waiver to satisfy the need for superiority and present themselves as the victim of unruly children. Narcissistic parents love to project and inject their negative feelings into their children.
3. “They will tell you it’s all in your head and that you are the problem. They will tell you that you are overreacting. Don’t buy into any of it. The abuse is the problem, not you.” ~ Katie Hartman
Katie Hartman’s eye-opening quote on narcissistic parents hints at the psychological manipulation narcissistic parents do. They will minimize your pain by gaslighting you into thinking that you are overreacting. Narcissistic parents force their child to suppress their emotions from an early age. This constant suppression of emotions is so abusive that the child negates his true feelings. This ultimately makes the child numb to the abuse that narcissistic parents are inflicting.
4. “It has been my observation that parents kill more dreams than anybody.” ~ Spike Lee
Not all narcissists are the same on the outer display, Spike Lee a renowned American director here talks about the covert narcissistic parents. These types of narcissistic parents are shy and vulnerable to insecurities which they reflect on the children. They kill potential dreams of the little minds, under the fear of their own insecurities. Narcissistic parents have no room for failures, they can’t let you explore your dream career. This is the reason why they don’t give enough space to their children.
5. “Money has always been the primary language of power.” ~ Susan Forward
Susan Forward, a prominent therapist and author of Toxic Parenting, sheds light on the helpless financial dependency. Narcissistic parents often love-bomb their children, do their utmost to control them. Always remember that accepting an act of kindness from a narcissist, is an act of debt in itself. The child is then indebted to repay the favours and return the financial support that narcissistic parents have provided. Yes, you get it right narcissistic parents can go at heights of being selfish.
6. “When children can’t rely on their parents to meet their needs, they cannot develop a sense of safety, trust, or confidence. Trust is a colossal development issue. Without the learning of trust in our early years, we are set up to have a major handicap with believing in ourselves and feeling safe in intimate connections.” ~ Karyl McBride
Karyl McBride highlights the crucial position trust holds in parenting. This quote on narcissistic parents talks about how in early childhood the child builds a sense of safety and trust as per the availability of their parents. This concept is also discussed by prominent psychologist Erik Erikson in the stages of development. The trust vs mistrust stage of the toddler’s development defines the emotional and physical availability of parents creates a sense of security for the child, while their absence is followed by losing trust and safety. Narcissistic parents withhold their affection and trust from the child, which makes them deeply insecure. When the child of narcissistic parents lacks confidence, he not only struggles with interpersonal relationships but also with confronting narcissistic abuse.
7. “A poisonous parent is one whose ways of teaching children about life and styles of interaction damage children’s abilities to form healthy connections with family members, friends, and eventually romantic partners and offspring. While every parent makes mistakes, it is the frequency and intensity of certain interactions that make them “poisonous.” ~ Shea M. Dunham, Shannon B. Dermer, Jon Carlson
Facing betrayal, disrespect, jealousy, and competition within the family creates a poisonous environment. Narcissistic parents lack empathy; they can’t reciprocate healthy boundaries with the children. Narcissistic parents often exacerbate their toxicity by indulging in favouritism or jealousy among family members. They make siblings hate each other and distort their idea of a happy family, which further results in toxic interactions between parent and child. Remember, the slow poison narcissistic parents induce remains there for generations.
8. “Another step is that daughters can learn to monitor their own feelings and instincts by saying, “I feel uncomfortable (angry, dominated, usurped, inadequate, guilty, furious) with my mother more often than I do not. I have to pay attention to that, because it shows in how I treat my friends (lover, spouse, kids, colleagues). There is validity here. I don’t have to blame or excuse my mother, I just have to see her so I can see myself.” ~ Victoria Secunda
Victoria Secunda, an acclaimed author writes about the Mother-and-Daughter bond that oftentimes daughters are a reflection of their mothers. In the quotes on narcissistic parents we find narcissistic abuse is a vicious cycle. The children project the mood and feelings of their parents. Most of the time it’s their narcissistic parents who are abusive, but the victim is treating their partners, friends, and colleagues the same abusive way. Due to this vicious cycle of narcissistic parental abuse, the child gets delusional about their own emotions.
9. “No matter what you’ve suffered, the abuse was not your fault. Not as an innocent child, teenager, nor as an adult.” ~ Dana Arcuri
Dana Arcuri, an author and Trauma Recovery Coach has written this eye-opening quote on abusive parents and it is one of most useful parent quotes. It’s never the fault of the victims to suffer abuse in parental form as we don’t choose our parents. This is the reason why we are prey to narcissistic parents and their abuse. Even as an adult you’ve very little control over combating narcissistic parents. As I always say abuse isn’t our choice but the abuser is. If you expect a narcissist to change, you are just fooling yourself into wishful thinking. It’s the right time for adults living with narcissistic parents to realize that they need a safe distance from the abusers.
10. “Recovering from the trauma inflicted by our narcissistic mother (or father/spouse/partner) takes time and effort. For some, it can take decades to understand, process, and unpack it. Healing isn’t a marathon. Rather, it’s a daily journey. We gain more insight. We educate ourselves. We process our painful abuse. We know that we are worthy of being loved, respected, and cared for.” ~ Dana Arcuri
I guess one of the most meaningful quotes on narcissistic parents is by Dana Arcuri. The years of trauma-bonding and toxic parenting can’t be replaced in days or weeks. Healing takes time, the child of narcissistic parents has gone through so much since their childhood. Although things start to make sense somewhere in adulthood, unpacking those toxic emotions and connecting the dots takes massive courage. Parents or partners whom we consider omnipotent, are then a difficult task to hold accountable. But as we gain more awareness about narcissistic abuse via quotes on narcissistic parents, we can regain our self-worth by taking baby steps towards healing.
Coping With Narcissistic Parental Abuse
- Process before reacting.
- Prioritize your sanity and mental peace by keeping a safe distance from your narcissistic parents.
- Avoid taking any kind of unnecessary favours from narcissistic parents, as they’ll use them against you.
- Keep working on yourself by processing and discarding the guilt induced by them.
- Set healthy boundaries, seek professional help, and keep yourself aware of narcissism and narcissistic parenting.
If you want to know more about Narcissism and Narcissists, then click here!
Zainab Jafferi is a mental health activist with a Master’s in Clinical Psychology. Being a laureate of Content Writing, she holds double Gold Medals for content writing and content creation, awarded by the University of Karachi for “Outstanding Performance in Co-Curricular Activities” in the years 2020 and 2021. She writes on mental health issues faced by our youth.
