Carl Jung once said, “The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of the parents”.
Have you ever felt burdened by the mistakes of your parents, but you think you can never confront them?
Then this article is for you. From revealing the hidden damage they did as narcissistic parents and how you can heal from it, all sorted out in this article.
- What is Narcissistic Parenting?
- Long-term Aftermaths of Narcissistic Parenting
- 11 Narcissistic Parent Quotes Revealing Hidden Damage
- Healing From Narcissistic Parental Damage
What is Narcissistic Parenting?
The idea of parenting could be thought of as unpaid labor or God’s blessing, this is how we think we could differentiate between toxic and good parenting. However, there are a few styles of parenting that cause a deeper level of damage without coming to our notice.
Yes, narcissistic parenting style is one of the most prominent risk factors among toxic parenting. Narcissistic parents are highly self-entitled, they may appear very bold and vibrant while their demeanor of superiority mostly hides their insecurities and low self-esteem. They lack empathy towards their children. Parenting often refers to unconditional love for the child, but narcissistic parents are cunningly manipulative with their love and attention.
Narcissistic parents think their children are not independent entities, even as adults they want them to be dependent on the parents. Narcissistic parents consider their children as the shadow of their personality, as someone whom they could mold and command throughout their lives. They feel threatened if the child outdoes their achievements.
We believe parents are either passing on genes or generational trauma, but they form our view of life and roles in interpersonal relationships. Narcissistic parents not only pass this abuse but the victim never feels abused, because of the powerful presence of the parent.
Since those children who have narcissistic parents are most likely numb to feeling the abuse in parental form. It is crucial to highlight the long-term aftermath of narcissistic parenting.
Long-term Aftermaths of Narcissistic Parenting
1. Alienation
The lasting impact of narcissistic abuse in parental form leaves the child in alienation. In some cases, a child learns about toxic narcissistic parenting when they reach adulthood, when they see parental control isn’t about depriving them of paternal love, it isn’t about forcing their say, and it is never about competition between the child and their parents.
2. Shattered Self-Esteem
Narcissistic parents share an insecure and guilt-prone childhood history, their fragile ego carrying this trauma and abuse for generations. Narcissistic parents have a condescending tone with passing sarcastic remarks over their children’s achievements. Their hurtful behaviour to the child shatters their self-esteem, and they gaslight them to think of themselves as a burden or never being enough. Long-term narcissistic parental abuse leads children to people pleasing, when they think of themselves as inferior, they begin to please others to win their attention and love.
3. Children Feel Indebted
Some of the covert forms of narcissistic parents love-bomb their children. They are very sweet and loving. The child may feel being the luckiest to have such parents, but when the child reaches adulthood, they become highly controlling. In such cases, the child is made to feel indebted to their parental love and sacrifices. Love-bombing narcissistic parents often exploit the children by distorting their freedom as a betrayal of the family.
4. Failure to Express
The child of narcissistic parents may struggle to express needs and wants later in life; this repression causes various psychological issues. Research on narcissistic parents states that; a narcissistic father with higher grandiose narcissism affects higher levels of anxiety and depression in children, while both parents with vulnerable narcissism and a mother with grandiose narcissism could lead the child towards guilt-prone mental health problems.1
After all this information, let’s dig into the insightful quotes revealing hidden damage done by narcissistic parents to their child.
11 Narcissistic Parent Quotes Revealing Hidden Damage
1. “Narcissists, however, are similar to a spider that has built a web for its prey to bring itself.” ― Mwanandeke Kindembo
Being conditioned to toxic narcissistic parenting, it blurs your vision to see that the family ties are controlled by the narcissistic authority figure and every person in this family is being exploited in some way. You have to be very observant to look out for the honey traps narcissistic parents set for everyone.
2. “Children of narcissists learn that love is abuse. The narcissist teaches them that if someone displeases you, it is okay to harm them and call it love.” ― M. Wakefield
The most heartbreaking part of narcissistic abuse by parental figures is that the children feel guilty asking for love and have very low self-esteem. They learn the patterns of expressing love and doing harm from their parents. When the narcissistic parents tell them the bare minimum of parenting is the best they could have, the children perceive this abuse as love.
3. “Narcissist parents don’t care about their children’s feelings at all. Only their feelings matter.” – Kim Saeed
Narcissistic parents lack empathy, their grandiose ego makes them apathetic towards the feelings of others. They consider themselves the center of everything and project their negative emotions onto the child. Moreover, they may invalidate your feelings by gaslighting you to think of your feelings as unreal or untrue.
4. “The truth is that the happier and stronger you are, the more unhappy the narcissistic parent is because when you feel good, they lose their grip over you, and the ability to shame you.” ― Diana Macey
This quote hints at the reason why most adults distance themselves from narcissistic parents. Narcissistic parents are only concerned with them when they are at lows but never support them in their happy times. For them, inducing guilt and shame in their child is the means of controlling them.
5. “By aggrandizing one’s abilities and achievements, the grandiose person remains out of touch with who they truly are and as such, remains prone to crossing the boundaries of others.” ― Steven Franssen
There comes a point in children’s lives when they set up boundaries with everyone including parents. From adolescence to late adulthood the child knows their flamboyant parents are jack of all trades but master of none. They have flaws in parenting however, not every child is lucky to confront their parents for breaching the boundaries.
6. “Parents are supposed to give the child back to herself with love. If they’ve got duct tape over their eyes because of narcissism, it doesn’t happen.” — Jane Fonda
As narcissists are blind to self-criticism and accountability, the narcissistic mothers fail to see the needs of their children. Unfortunately, for the child winning their love and approval remains an insurmountable task.
7. “Boys and girls of narcissistic mothers both have to deal with a deficit of maternal nurturing that their upbringing lacked.” ― Mark Bans Chick
There are several things a child has to make up for in adulthood, this deficit of maternal nurturing is one of them. This is one of the reasons therapy helps victims of narcissistic abuse find their lost self-esteem by nurturing their inner child.
8. “A narcissistic parent will provoke an independent child to anger to feel superior and prove the child’s flaws.” — Shannon Thomas
Provocation is narcissistic parents’ top favorite form of manipulation, it gives them the edge to blame the child for being unruly and disrespectful. Sadly, while being provoked by their jibes we give them a reason to feel superior.
9. “While a narcissistic mother will gossip endlessly about the most details about your life, she is very secretive about her own life. She will lie about you but will punish you for telling them what she has done.” ― Gail Meyers
Transparency in relationships is the last thing you could expect from narcissists. Narcissistic parents are devious when it comes to playing with your secrets but hiding theirs. They turn children gullible to punishments to keep them tame.
10. “Narcissistic parents demand loyalty and devotion from their children, often at the expense of their children’s own needs and desires.” – Julie L. Hall
Narcissistic parents manipulate their children to let go of their goals and desires because they see them as competitors. If you are not meeting their expectations you are considered disloyal to them.
11. “A narcissist paints a picture of themselves as being the victim or innocent in all aspects. They will be offended by the truth. But what is done in the dark will come to light. Time has a way of showing people’s true colors.” – Karla Grimes
You might be wondering how narcissistic parents are given free rein to conduct such flawed parenting, but the harsh truth is; they are good at playing the victim. In the cases of narcissistic parental abuse, the only hope is in adults. When they gain exposure to social life adults tend to scrutinize the parenting they had and become able to confront the parents.
Sometimes young children remain prey to abusive parenting until they make sense out of it. But we hope the insightful quotes on narcissistic parents prove helpful.
For further support, here’s how you can heal from the hidden damage.
Healing From Narcissistic Parental Damage
1. Go for Self-Help:
Read about narcissistic parents and their means of manipulating you. Get all sorts of insights to combat their vindictiveness in family, friends, and colleagues.
2. Professional Help:
Seeking professional help from Psychotherapists, an expert in Narcissistic Abuse will help you reshape your life.
3. Social Support:
Share your feelings and emotions in a safe space, with your siblings and friends.
4. Coping Mechanisms:
Learn about healthy/unhealthy parenting, and what role you can play in forming a secure relationship as an adult.
5. Family Therapy or Group Therapy:
Working together with your parents is a challenging course of action, but therapy makes it achievable. Consult family therapists to resolve your trauma.
If you want to know more about narcissism and narcissists, then click here!
Zainab Jafferi is a mental health activist with a Master’s in Clinical Psychology. Being a laureate of Content Writing, she holds double Gold Medals for content writing and content creation, awarded by the University of Karachi for “Outstanding Performance in Co-Curricular Activities” in the years 2020 and 2021. She writes on mental health issues faced by our youth.
